From the LADY

After eight full years, deb8er2000 succumb to the menace of an unknown virus.

The event caught me by surprise. One moment I was opening a page, then too many windows opened up with undecipherable characters, and then people started popping out messages saying deb8er2000 contracted a virus.

I can’t believe I became a victim. I had to send out messages to all of my online friends about the untimely demise of my ym and the birth, rather the re-birth of a new one - albeit it has long existed, I am now forced to use the long dormant ladygailey. I have a few friends who know of that identity, but i guess I have no other option but to introduce it to the world.

Well come to think of it, this came in time with the current mood I am in. Change is good, as Tam would put it. I must admit, there’s something awkward with deb8er2000. It’s like hiding behind something, trying to be who I am not. This calls for further reflection.

I have to come to love and enjoy ladygailey. I feel like I’m one with myself. I feel at home.

Welcome back ladygailey!

We decide whether it is going to be a happy new year…Yes, it is sooooo going to be a Happy new year…

Cheers everyone!

so after ten million,eight hundred twenty-one thousand, six hundred ninety four years and so many mini minutes….here i am with a new entry. Yes, i am alive..and I have a post to post. I watched "In Her Shoes" and the way this poem was delivered was captivating..naks! im really not that good in distinguishing good poetry from bad and I have low appreciation of some stuff relating to poetry but when I do read or hear something good - judging from my own level of expertise (?) - I really delight in the discovery. Here’s a poem by EE Cummings.

hokei…i carry your heart in my heart…whoever you are..

Today’s a good day, will you agree with me? Tell me about it.
This is a beautiful life….

After ng isang makabag-damdaming entry, eto na naman ako at nakakaisip ng mga bagay bagay. Sobrang tamad kaninang umaga, nakahiga pa lang ako eh iniisip ko na ang excuse ko for not going to work, but noh. Naisip ko, i have to be more responsible now. wehehehe. Dapat lang, coz  I need to give back to Crescent the service that is due to them, i’m getting paid for it, kahit na parang binili na nila ang kaluluwa ko for making me take calls from the racist @#!$%#@#$@#&^.

Mejo ok naman ang umaga, mejo senti lang kanina pagsakay ko ng lrt. Naalala ko ang mama ko. Pag nakakakita ako ng mga babae tipong kaedad niya palagi kong inisip bakit hanggang dun lang ang mama ko. Hindi lang ako ang namatayan ng mama sa mundo pero ganito pala un noh? Parang gusto mong tumigil ng mundo para makipagluksa sila sayo. Minsan nga parang di ko kilala ang sarili ko pag nasasabi kong ok lang ako….Kasi hindi eh.todo hirap naman ata nito, sabay sabay daw ba? Sabi ko na nga ba me catch ang pagiging God’s favorite eh…palaging napagtutuunan ng pansin.

Hay, mejo umo-kei ok naman ang mood ko ng makita ko ang team leader ko. Its been quite a while since i saw her. Grabeh, kelangan ko na ng coaching dahil ang tagal na naming di nakakapag-usap. Mas naging ok nung nalaman kong ok ung mga quality ko. at least hindi masyadong tanga ang feel ko sa sarili ko dahil nakaka 98% ako sa mga calls ko….dapat lang noh! ang dami ko kayang calls na maayos at complete information tapos ung makukuha nila eh ung pangit na call na once in a blue moon. hay.

At nadagdagan pa ng malaman kong naconfirm na nung logistics head namin na ok na sa isang univ ung venue, meaning to say eh pwede kaming magrent kahit outsider kami at ito ay mas lower ang rate! Hay when it rains it pours. To top it all off, one of our prospective sponsors is interested to be our partner! Grabeh! Ang galing ng team namin sa WYA. God blessed us with great talents, I can’t ask for more…except for….joke lang!

Dumating na ang isang friendship ko from London, another one will arrive at the end of the week from Bicol, wehehehe, things are looking up though it started on a very tiring day. Sabi ko na nga ba eh..Hope ill get to accomplish all the things that need to be done. God mejo mahaba pa ung week, make me productive please? =)

i find myself more and more comfortable riding the LRT. Except for the
push and shove,  the LRT provides me an interestingly convenient escape
from the chaos I am in. Though were cramped in the tiny space,
everyone is free to move about in the vastness of their imagination. Each passenger trapped in their own little world, little nook, free to move about and free to concoct unbounded remedies for their miseries.

I’ve been more fond of watching the vehicles move from the window view on the 24th floor and have enjoyed  more and more to be in a moving
vehicle because i feel that it is the only time in my life when I am
getting somewhere. I want to escape myself. I want to do an all-nighter and
stay in the busy streets of morato or timog or in the posh ambience of
greenbelt 3 or eastwood. I want to indulge in the chaos f d world and hear it loud against my pulse. Loud enough that it compels me to unite with its beat. I want to get out from all of these. I want to escape. I want to get lost so I can find myself.

Ang ganda ng simula at pagtatapos ng araw ko. Nagising ako ng hindi pagod..hindi naman excited, pero hindi rin tamad na pumasok, magaan ang pakiramdam ko pagpasok sa work. Hindi naman mahihirap ang mga calls ko, hindi rin karamihan..at me dalawang sale ako!weheheehe..

Kanina pagtingin ko sa langit habang nakasakay ako sa lrt, nakita ko ang ganda ng langit. Blue na blue siya parang ang saya saya niya, naisip ko siguro nakatawa si God ngaun. pero hindi naman ibig sabihin na pag makulimlim eh galit siya..Naisip ko lang na masaya siya.

Nilibre kami ni cor kanina ng pizza, the best talga ang pizza, tapos sabayan mo ng pasta! naku! solve! Natapos ng magaan ang araw ko..at tapos nandito ako..sinusulat at tinatala ang isang araw sa buhay ko na sobrang pinagpala ni God. MArami pa pala akong gagawin..Di bale. kayang kaya..9:30 pa shift ko eh..weehehehe..

There will be more days like this… and better..

i long to take a roadtrip

a few companions would do

without the chaos of the city, a journey to an unchartered territory

without the noise of voices, only the calming soothe of music

it would be good to tag along a friend who would not turn his/her back on dares if the situation calls for it

to live in the moment of calm and peace

to clear the thoughts, to hear the inner sound of the soul

to chart an unknowable future

a friend keeps on telling me,,,

i want too many things at a time…

not bad i say…

not bad…

but i think i’ll start with a roadtrip…

today…

spent some time going over the friendster pages of my friendsters. to say that technology has a way of connecting people is truly an understatement. friends have been running to and from, getting busy and some just being plain lazy. I sent smiles to people who I haven’t been in contact with. Smile - something simple yet conveys a lot of meaning: how are you?  hope you’re ok, looking good, good for you, that’s good to hear, and other messages that might seem too trite yet almost complete in conveying genuine feeling of gladness knowing how things are going great for friends.

a peak in the world of others make everything seem most easy. of course, one never gets to see what’s behind the words, the smile, the bliss, the poses and the testimonials. that’s for "one-to-one’s" to discover.

it seems to me that a year in my present job lasts like a lifetime, yet when i think of times spent with friends and family, time flies past too quickly. every monday my mood sinks and i drag myself to work. im not the only person who feels that way, some of my team mates would say that come 6pm on sundays, that sickening feeling in the pit of their stomachs would start setting in. two more days of waking up early to be a slave of people from another reality and im off to my own whole day reality.

ive lost weight again…i never get to maintain the perfect weight and built for me. Stress, stress and way more stress, there seems to be more of and more of that these past few years. But as i keep saying to myself,,soon things will start looking up. i can feel it.

Its a common phenomenon for people about to celebrate their birthdays to be melancholic as they contemplate on the thought of another year about to end and another about to begin. Some may not be as dramatic as i am and some may not even care about the big deal in that one special day in their lives but I’m sure that at one point or another before or after that special day - doesn’t really matter - they paused from their routine and thought of how time seemed to move quicker than they have imagined.

Its my turn. I have been down for the past several days and i have been thinking of a couple of things. I am trying to recall how i celebrated my birthday last year and I remembered I had to go to a boring meeting and spend the rest of the day strolling in a mall, alone. This year, it will be quite different. I am still going to be at work but its also going to be my first day to receive live calls from aussies. i dont know what to expect yet.

I have been sad for quite some time because I miss my mom. Tears never fail to run down my cheeks as i think of how life would have been much more bearable had she been here. i keep on imagining what would my mom prepare for me on my birthday. By now, we could have been on our 8th day of novena for my birthday. She could have invited her friends to celebrate with us. When i get home from work , I would have someone who will eagerly listen to my funny stories and booboos on the floor while taking in calls. But she is not here. And she never will be. For the rest of my life, i will always wonder how each and everyday would begin and end with my mom by my side.

My birthday would have been a lot nicer and warmer if my mom was alive. Especially now that I have so many things that I want to ask her. Especially now that things are not going good between me and my dad. Especially now that I am very much uncertain of my future. A mom’s hug would really make a big difference.

Ma, happy birthday ko na.